Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness. One afternoon, the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cute glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water Floated, of all things, a condom!
When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.
The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me about this?' pointing to the bowl.
'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet, and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu All winter'
If you don't share this to five GOOD friends right away; there will be five fewer people smiling in the world.
Thursday
The Church Organist
Safety Precautions
For your information only. This gives us something to think about with all our new electronic technology.
Global Positioning System (GPS)
A couple of weeks ago a friend told me that someone she knew had their car broken into while they were at a football game. Their car was parked on the green which was adjacent to the football stadium and specially allotted to football fans. Things stolen from the car included a garage door remote control, some money and a GPS which had been prominently mounted on the dashboard.
When the victims got home, they found that their house had been ransacked and just about everything worth anything had been stolen.
The thieves had used the GPS to guide them to the house. They then used the garage remote control to open the garage door and gain entry to the house. The thieves knew the owners were at the football game, they knew what time the game was scheduled to finish and so they knew how much time they had to clean out the house. It would appear that they had brought a truck to empty the house of its contents.
Something to consider if you have a GPS - don't put your home address in it. Put a nearby address (like a store or gas station) so you can still find your way home if you need to, but no one else would know where you live if your GPS were stolen. Be sure to put away your GPS once you park your car. Better be safe than sorry later!!
Global Positioning System (GPS)
A couple of weeks ago a friend told me that someone she knew had their car broken into while they were at a football game. Their car was parked on the green which was adjacent to the football stadium and specially allotted to football fans. Things stolen from the car included a garage door remote control, some money and a GPS which had been prominently mounted on the dashboard.
When the victims got home, they found that their house had been ransacked and just about everything worth anything had been stolen.
The thieves had used the GPS to guide them to the house. They then used the garage remote control to open the garage door and gain entry to the house. The thieves knew the owners were at the football game, they knew what time the game was scheduled to finish and so they knew how much time they had to clean out the house. It would appear that they had brought a truck to empty the house of its contents.
Something to consider if you have a GPS - don't put your home address in it. Put a nearby address (like a store or gas station) so you can still find your way home if you need to, but no one else would know where you live if your GPS were stolen. Be sure to put away your GPS once you park your car. Better be safe than sorry later!!
Mobile Phones
This lady has now changed her habit of how she lists her names on her mobile phone after her handbag was stolen. Her handbag, which contained her cell phone, credit card, wallet and etc. was stolen.
20 minutes later when she called her hubby, from a pay phone telling him what had happened, hubby says 'I received your text asking about our Pin number and I've replied a little while ago.'
When they rushed down to the bank, the bank staff told them all the money was already withdrawn. The thief had actually used the stolen cell phone to text 'hubby' in the contact list and got hold of the pin number. Within 20 minutes he had withdrawn all the money from their bank account.
20 minutes later when she called her hubby, from a pay phone telling him what had happened, hubby says 'I received your text asking about our Pin number and I've replied a little while ago.'
When they rushed down to the bank, the bank staff told them all the money was already withdrawn. The thief had actually used the stolen cell phone to text 'hubby' in the contact list and got hold of the pin number. Within 20 minutes he had withdrawn all the money from their bank account.
This is a little far fetch.
Note: A pin cannot withdraw over the limit money from ATM. To get fund from the Bank’s teller, signature is needed. Amount over certain sum, a supervisor’s authorization is needed at the teller’s screen
Note: A pin cannot withdraw over the limit money from ATM. To get fund from the Bank’s teller, signature is needed. Amount over certain sum, a supervisor’s authorization is needed at the teller’s screen
Moral of the lesson: Do not disclose the relationship between you and the people in your contact list. Avoid using names like Home, Honey, Hubby, Sweetheart, Dad, Mom and etc.
And very importantly, when sensitive info is being asked through texts, CONFIRM by calling back. Also, when you're being text by friends or family to meet them somewhere, be sure to call back to confirm that the message came from them. If you don't reach them, be very careful about going places to meet 'family and friends' who text you.
Wednesday
John's Secretary
Joe: Your secretary is very sexy.
John: Thanks, it's a robot from Japan. Her name is Sweety. If you squeeze its right breast it takes notes and if you squeeze the left it types. I'll lend it to you for a day and you can see for yourself.
Next day Joe called from hospital and shouted :
John you BASTARD, you didn't tell me Sweety's pussy is a pencil sharpener.
Tuesday
Shay Day!
At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:
'When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does, is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?'
The audience was stilled by the query.
The father continued. 'I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.' Then he told the following story:
Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, 'Do you think they'll let me play?' I knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father I also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.
I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, 'We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.'
Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.
In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.
At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?
Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.
However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact. The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.
The game would now be over. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.
Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates. Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, 'Shay, run to first! Run to first!' Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.
Everyone yelled, 'Run to second, run to second!' Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball . the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head. Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.
All were screaming, 'Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay'
Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, 'Run to third! Shay, run to third!'
As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, 'Shay, run home! Run home!' Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team
'That day', said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, 'the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world'.
Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!
AND NOW A LITTLE FOOT NOTE TO THIS STORY:
We all send thousands of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought, but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people hesitate.
The crude, vulgar, and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools and workplaces.
If you're thinking about forwarding this message, chances are that you're probably sorting out the people in your address book who aren't the 'appropriate' ones to receive this type of message. Well, the person who sent you this believes that we all can make a difference. We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realize the 'natural order of things.' So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice:
Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up those opportunities and leave the world a little bit colder in the process?
A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats it's least fortunate amongst them. May your day, be a Shay Day.
'When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does, is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?'
The audience was stilled by the query.
The father continued. 'I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.' Then he told the following story:
Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, 'Do you think they'll let me play?' I knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father I also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.
I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, 'We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.'
Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.
In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.
At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?
Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.
However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact. The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.
The game would now be over. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.
Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates. Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, 'Shay, run to first! Run to first!' Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.
Everyone yelled, 'Run to second, run to second!' Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball . the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head. Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.
All were screaming, 'Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay'
Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, 'Run to third! Shay, run to third!'
As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, 'Shay, run home! Run home!' Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team
'That day', said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, 'the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world'.
Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!
AND NOW A LITTLE FOOT NOTE TO THIS STORY:
We all send thousands of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought, but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people hesitate.
The crude, vulgar, and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools and workplaces.
If you're thinking about forwarding this message, chances are that you're probably sorting out the people in your address book who aren't the 'appropriate' ones to receive this type of message. Well, the person who sent you this believes that we all can make a difference. We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realize the 'natural order of things.' So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice:
Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up those opportunities and leave the world a little bit colder in the process?
A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats it's least fortunate amongst them. May your day, be a Shay Day.
Saturday
Deepavali
Wishing all Indians who are celebrating today's special occasion.
Have A Wonderful Day!
Have Fun Friends!
Have A Wonderful Day!
Have Fun Friends!
Wednesday
Time
I need more time!
Do think and do so many stuff!
God, please help me to manage
everything to go smoothly
till my wedding day.
Please Lord.
Thank You.
Friday
Sick...
Went to see the doctor again!
Cause still having fever and all =(
Took blood test and wasted money for it!
Cause tested negative for not having either Dengue or Influenza A.
Just only throat infection.
But am suffering...
having difficulty in drinking and eating
very hard to swallow it down
Wednesday
Gone Case!
I fall sick again!
Just recovered last two weeks!
How great is that?! GOSH!!!
I feel cold and warm at certain times. I even felt cold when having two thick blanket on top of me and the fan is NOT even SWITCH ON!
My throat is giving me this terrible pain as it is quite swollen according to the doctor.
And I keep having this headache and it make me sort of spinning but actually in reality NOT!
O God please help me!
My wedding is not far away...
I will be a dead meat by then and looking like a zombie if I keep falling sick again from this day forward till my wedding day!
God,
Please heal me, God.
Please keep me healthy and strong Lord.
I uphold myself to you, Abba Father.
Take this pain away O Lord.
Protect me from harms way and I cast away the spell of the devils' doing unto Your hand, Father.
In Jesus name I pray,
Amen! Amen!
Just recovered last two weeks!
How great is that?! GOSH!!!
I feel cold and warm at certain times. I even felt cold when having two thick blanket on top of me and the fan is NOT even SWITCH ON!
My throat is giving me this terrible pain as it is quite swollen according to the doctor.
And I keep having this headache and it make me sort of spinning but actually in reality NOT!
O God please help me!
My wedding is not far away...
I will be a dead meat by then and looking like a zombie if I keep falling sick again from this day forward till my wedding day!
God,
Please heal me, God.
Please keep me healthy and strong Lord.
I uphold myself to you, Abba Father.
Take this pain away O Lord.
Protect me from harms way and I cast away the spell of the devils' doing unto Your hand, Father.
In Jesus name I pray,
Amen! Amen!
Tuesday
Tagged By Pauline Ang Swee King XD
Directions:
Once you've been tagged,you've to write a blog or a note on FaceBook with 16 random things, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end,choose 10 people to tag, listing their names & why you choose them. Don't forget to leave them a comment (''you're it'') and to read your blog. You can't tag the person that tagged you.
16 Facts :
1. I always believed in Jesus Christ.
2. I love my loved ones a lot.
3. I find it difficult to do three things at once.
4. I forget things very easily.
5. I tend to fall asleep when in the karaoke room.
6. I need to achieve good grades for a better future.
7. I do not have much patience.
8. I'm a very good listener.
9. I'm quite generous when it comes to eating with friends.
10. I'm slow in completing tasks and understanding things.
11. I'm terribly hot tempered at times.
12. I consider at least twice before making any purchases on branded goods.
13. I love travelling.
14. I got engaged.
15. I'm getting married.
16. I have to start planning for my future days.
I tag:
* No One *
Once you've been tagged,you've to write a blog or a note on FaceBook with 16 random things, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end,choose 10 people to tag, listing their names & why you choose them. Don't forget to leave them a comment (''you're it'') and to read your blog. You can't tag the person that tagged you.
16 Facts :
1. I always believed in Jesus Christ.
2. I love my loved ones a lot.
3. I find it difficult to do three things at once.
4. I forget things very easily.
5. I tend to fall asleep when in the karaoke room.
6. I need to achieve good grades for a better future.
7. I do not have much patience.
8. I'm a very good listener.
9. I'm quite generous when it comes to eating with friends.
10. I'm slow in completing tasks and understanding things.
11. I'm terribly hot tempered at times.
12. I consider at least twice before making any purchases on branded goods.
13. I love travelling.
14. I got engaged.
15. I'm getting married.
16. I have to start planning for my future days.
I tag:
* No One *
Monday
09-03-2009
Woke up at 9:00 AM and went to take a bath.
Went to pick my mummy and sister up from the house to go to Rawang with Auntie Lily (Lawrence's Godmother), Auntie Penny (Lawrence's Mother) and Lawrence himself. Lawrence drove us there with the Toyota Innova by using the Guthrey Highway. Reach Rawang about noon time and it is raining like cats and dogs. Got myself wet and feeling cold as the wind blow - pray that I won't get sick.
Had our lunch at the Kedai Makanan Lan Je which is famous for it steam Tilapia fish by Sister Lan. It is located at the roadside along the main road heading to Rawang town. I bet most of the Astro AEC "Taste with Jason" show fans have heard about it already. Been there a couple of times with Auntie Lily who recommended me here but it is my first time bringing my family here. Waited for one and half hours for the food to be served to us as the place was packed with people plus today is public holiday as well. Sigh... The fish is fresh and still taste so good as before =).
Head to Caely Girl to purchase some lingerie. Manage to buy a few but need to wait for the new stock to arrive. The purpose we went to Rawang is for the Caely Girl lingerie as the service provided to us by Miss Ann Ng Chew Kim (016-332 2661) is good and better than anyone else even though we can purchase Caely Girl products in Klang, Shah Alam or Petaling Jaya. By the way, Caely Girl is known for it's lingerie to be in good quality and at affordable price (from as low as RM 20.00).
Got back Klang at 6:00 PM and took a nap till 8:00PM. Went to Lavender in Aeon Bukit Tinggi Klang to had dinner with Lawrence's parents. The food that day was not that bad but the taste wasn't appealing to me.
Proceed to Diamond & Platinum shop to look for my wedding band. Manage to bought the wedding band that Lawrence and I like (plus Lawrence's parents agree on it as well and it was the first one we saw last year) after so many hunting been done =P. The wedding rings range from the Unity Collection - Platinum and Gold Wedding Bands. The lady's ring have a small (0.2mm)diamond on it.
Lawrence and I kinda like the wedding band by Soo Kee but Law parents don't agree on it though. Soo Kee wedding band have a unique feature where the sapphire is hidden inside the ring and fine rounded inner band that have a smoother fit and so comfortable wear.
Send Lawrence's parents back around 10:50 PM and went to pick my sister up to kick her back to her college hostel all the way in Kuala Lumpur =). Reach back home at 12:55 PM and fell asleep right away.
It was definitely a tiring day. So goodnight my friends.
Thursday
...time...
Sometimes there is no next time,
No second chance, no time out.
Sometimes...it's now or never
Monday
Tagged By Penny Yong Yen Yen
Rules:
~Copy it to your blog post, erase my answers, enter yours, and lastly tag 10 people.
~They have to be real. Nothing made up!
~If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers.
~You cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.
1. What Is Your Name : Agnes Yong Mei Mei
2. A Four Letter Word : Arts
3. A Boy's Name : Andrew
4. A Girl's Name : Andrea
5. An Occupation : Accountant
6. A Color : Amethyst
7. Something You'll Wear : Anklet
8. Any Noun From The Bible : Amen
9. A Food : Abalone
10. Something Found In The Bathroom Or Your Bag : Air Freshener
11. A Place : Amsterdam
12. A Reason For Being Late : Accident
13. Something You'd Shout : Ants!!!
14. A Movie Title : A Walk To Remember
15. Something You Drink : Alcohol =P14. A Movie Title : A Walk To Remember
16. A Musical Group : Avalon
17. An Animal : Antelope
19. A Type Of Car : Aurora
20. The Title Of A Song : Alleluia
10 People I Want To Tag Is
01) Koh Poh Leong
02) Pauline Ang Swee King
03) Crystal Kak Yin Siang @ Kok Yin Siang
04) Angel Choo Sze Jia
05) Yvonne Lim Yee Wern
06) Tan Li Voon
07) Mary Ng
08) Yew Shie Ming
09) Penny Yong Yen Yen
10) Alex Yong Kok Soung
Thursday
ROM
Hey Friends! Let me tell you all a secret =)
Is totally not a gossip and is a good news.
And it so happens to be a good occasion worth celebrating.
\/
\/
\/
\/
\/
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There is a Registration Of Marriage going to be held on this
14-03-2009 (Saturday)
in Hokkien Association, Klang, Selangor.
(^_^)
The Groom: Cham Boon Kwang (Lawrence)
The Bride: Agnes Yong Mei Mei
The Witness:
1) Lee Kwai Lan (Penny) - Lawrence's Mother
2) Chan Yan Lin (Irene) - My Dearest Mummy
Do pray for us and give us the blessings =P
That is not too much right?
----- + ----- + ----- + ----- + ----- + ----- + ----- + ----- + -----
At first we plan to have the registration held on the 21st February 2009 because
07th Feb - My Birthday
14th Feb - Valentine Day
21st Feb - Propose Date Of ROM
28th Feb - The Eve Of My Engagement Day
29th Feb - My Engagement Day
So there will be an event to celebrate every week for the whole month of February =) Isn't that nice =P
But we can't have it on the 21st or 28th because Lawrence's parents and grandparents had gone to China for visiting. Decided to have it on the 7th March 2009 but then again it was close for registration as it was fully book already =(
That is why the Registration Of Marriage is going to be on the 14-03-2009 instead of the above mentioned dates =)
Wednesday
Hello & Welcome Back!
Hello my friends =) How have you all been lately?
You may have known now that I have not been blogging for more than half a year already since end of May 2008. And I am so so sorry about that as I have been very busy - working as well as studying - and being lazy too =P My blog is stagnant as if it is in a coma stage, right? =)
As you all may have notice; I have changed my blog template recently to give it a new look and a fresh start to my blog. I will resume to blogging again after such a long time. But don't expect much though because of time factor, Internet connection and I also have certain priorities in hand.
I encounter some problem when changing my blog template which causes me my links and blog posts to vanish into thin air =D I would really appreciate it a lot if you could just drop by at my chatterbox to give me your site address by saying a few words or even a hello so that I could link you back. Thanks for your help!
I hope that you all would like my blog new look (^_^)
That's all for now. Take care and God bless!
You may have known now that I have not been blogging for more than half a year already since end of May 2008. And I am so so sorry about that as I have been very busy - working as well as studying - and being lazy too =P My blog is stagnant as if it is in a coma stage, right? =)
As you all may have notice; I have changed my blog template recently to give it a new look and a fresh start to my blog. I will resume to blogging again after such a long time. But don't expect much though because of time factor, Internet connection and I also have certain priorities in hand.
I encounter some problem when changing my blog template which causes me my links and blog posts to vanish into thin air =D I would really appreciate it a lot if you could just drop by at my chatterbox to give me your site address by saying a few words or even a hello so that I could link you back. Thanks for your help!
I hope that you all would like my blog new look (^_^)
That's all for now. Take care and God bless!
Hookah Or Shisha
For people who don't know what shisha is, please read my previous blog entries or read it at wikipedia for more in depth. If you're too LAZY to do so even!; basically it's something like smoking, except that it is done by inhaling smoke from something like a hose and through a thin and tall, most-of-the-time glass container. It's becoming extremely popular in Malaysia and even sometimes that I either find myself being caught in a little something called 'peer pressure' or found out my buddies are into it as well...(it hurts me when I found out about it-like a knife being stab to your heart!).
"Have you tried shisha before?" says Antagonist.
"Er... no?" says Protagonist.
"Woah I can't believe it. You should try it someday!" replies Antagonist.
"Nah... it's okay. I'm not into smoking," says Protagonist (sticking to his/her principles).
"It's nothing like smoking! The smoke goes through water first so the water acts as a filter. So shisha-ing is not bad for your body," says Antagonist.
"Really?" says Protagonist, believing.
"Yup, and it tastes good too, with flavors and all. Nothing like smoking," says Antagonist.
"Uh-huh..." says the Protagonist.
Thus, it can be concluded from the conversation, that Antagonist is an IDIOT, and that the Protagonist is an even BIGGER IDIOT for (somewhat) eating up his/her words.
Honestly, how bad can the smoke be, right? (As you might say or think). It's already filtered with water and all, as claimed by many people. Or youngster, to be precise.
I know myself, and I know that I would never smoke. Maybe try a puff or two (the key word is try!-this is a deli ma face by mostly all), but never will I chain smoke or smoke to look cool or to please others. It's not worth it, having my lungs look like 2 black coral riffs to look cool. Looking cool is nothing. I'd prefer a more intelligent brain than my monkey brain. Thank you! =)
As time passes, some Malaysian youngsters discovered the almighty shisha, tried it and love it. Most people even think: "Wow, this is something like smoking, but I can do it without getting lung cancer!"
Now, this is a very naive thought or what I would say as deceiving own self. The Star newspaper has claimed that shisha is a wolf in a sheepskin. I do believe them, as how can smoke from burnt tobacco be good for you? Water cannot possibly filter everything, because if it can, shisha-smokers won't come to be, due to the absence of the chemicals in the 'smoke' inhaled. Haha =D. They'll instead stick to cigarettes, right?
The paper even went as far as claiming that shisha-ing is the same as smoking. There are kids out there that claim that they won't smoke, but would probably shisha as there won't be a chance of them contracting a lung disease or what-not, as shisha-ing is supposedly safe. Imagine how they would feel if they actually read the papers and find out that they are, in fact, smoking. They'd feel idiotic, I reckon. Maybe they'll feel emo, lock themselves in their rooms and sob. And paint their nails black. And listen to Simple Plan. And sing along...Nah! I doubt that would happen.
Why won't I smoke (or shisha)?
Well, first things first, smoking wasn't something that I will be EVER interested in. I HATE, DESPISE, SCORN, DETEST & LOATHE when I see people smoking, I don't really think of anything but the fact that the smoke spiraling up from the cigarette and of which they exhale really stings and stink. An eye sore as well! I usually run into these kind of people at restaurants, cafes, on the streets etc (you name it!) and I find it really appalling and disgusting that they can smoke whilst eating. Not only that, they can smoke in front of their own young children or their pregnant wife! (this is something that I, myself encounter as a child because my dad, uncles & dad's friend SMOKE!). If the baby comes out less than perfect, who's to blame? The idiotic smoker, obviously. They never think of others, man...
On top of it, these people like to act real cool and blow the cigarette smoke high above. The trick is to exhale sharply so that the smoke would travel further. So that when it gets caught in the fan people can inhale your 2nd-hand smoke and follow you into your grave. So that they'll look so cool, crossing their legs, wearing shades and smoking coolly.
So that they won't inhale their own 2nd-hand smoke, stupid! Better you than me, right? So I'll look cool and blow bubbles. Wee!
Immature smokers.
Secondly, why not shisha?
Because it's as bad as cigarettes. It's a hazard to your health. I'd stick to chocolate milk than inhale chocolate-flavored smoke. Call me weird, but at least I have principles. =P
One thing good about shisha is that people cannot smoke it everywhere. They can only smoke it at restaurants or strip clubs where they have it planted on the table and people take turns smoking it, sharing saliva and viruses in between. The only reason I would shisha is to spread the cough and flu virus my body's currently breeding. Mass production! Mass distribution! Voila...so there is peace on earth. Obviously I won't do that as I'm not that kind of person-just voicing out (^_^)
So guys, the next time you want to smoke or pressure someone into smoking (or it's sibling, shisha-ing), think again. Just because you want to kill yourself slowly doesn't mean others would want to do the same.
It's the Deliciousdoubleswissmushroomcheeseburger theory of 'you laugh I laugh; you cry I cry; you jump I laugh'. Right? =P
A Little Note
To all of my friends whom I might know or not is smoking
Please don't take this to heart
As I'm just voicing out my thoughts and care for YOU ALL
This is my sincerity to all of you!
As you all know, I do still go out and hang out with you guys
despite all those bad and negative things you do
Agape & God Bless,
agnes yong mei mei
Hookah Or Shisha
Top Facts: Hookahs
Smoking a hookah is smoking tobacco.
Smoking a hookah is smoking tobacco.
What is a Hookah and Shisha?
- A hookah is a water pipe used to smoke tobacco through cooled water. The tobacco is heated in the bowl at the top of the hookah and the smoke is filtered through the water in the base of the hookah.
- Alternate names for hookahs include: water pipe, goza, hubble-bubble, borry, arhile, and narghile.
- Shisha is the tobacco smoked in a hookah. It is a very moist and sticky tobacco that has been soaked in honey or molasses.
- There are a variety of shisha flavors including apple, plum, coconut, mango, mint, and strawberry.
- The hookah tradition, dating back at least 500 years, originated in the Middle East regions of the world. Countries cited for the first use include Egypt, India, and Turkey.1
- Smoking the hookah is one of the oldest, most popular Turkish traditions.
- The tradition has traveled to the United States and today there are more than 300 hookah establishments in the U.S.2
Myths and the Truths
- MYTH #1: Hookah smoke is filtered through water so it filters out any harmful ingredients.
- TRUTH #1: Smoking tobacco through water does not filter out cancer-causing chemicals. Water-filtered smoke can damage the lungs and heart as much as cigarette smoke.3
- MYTH #2: Inhaling hookah smoke does not burn the lungs, so it is not unhealthy.
- TRUTH #2: The hookah smoke does not burn the lungs when inhaled because is cooled through the water in the base of the hookah. Even though the smoke is cooled, it still contains carcinogens and it is still unhealthy.1
- MYTH #3: Smoking hookahs are healthier than smoking cigarettes.
- TRUTH #3: Hookah smoke is just as dangerous as cigarette smoke. Hookahs generate smoke in different ways: cigarette smoke is generated by burning tobacco, while hookah smoke is produced by heating tobacco in a bowl using charcoal. The end product is the same—smoke, containing carcinogens.4
- MYTH #4: Smoking a hookah is not as addictive as smoking a cigarette because there is no nicotine.
- TRUTH #4: Just like regular tobacco, shisha contains nicotine. In fact, in a 60-minute hookah session, smokers are exposed to 100 to 200 times the volume of smoke inhaled from a single cigarette.5
- MYTH #5: Herbal shisha is healthier than regular shisha.
- TRUTH #5: Just like smoking herbal or “natural” cigarettes, herbal shisha exposes the smoker to tar and carcinogens.
- MYTH #6: Shisha tobacco contains fruit, so is healthier than regular tobacco.
- TRUTH #6: Tobacco is tobacco, no matter how you look at it. Shisha is often soaked inmolasses or honey and mixed with fruit, but it still contains cancer-causing chemicals and nicotine. Stick to traditional methods of getting fruit—eat an orange.
- Compared to a single cigarette, hookah smoke is known to contain:
- Higher levels of arsenic, lead, and nickel1
- 36 times more tar6
- 15 times more carbon monoxide4
- Smoking a hookah requires taking longer and harder drags, increasing levels of inhaled nicotine and carcinogens in the lungs.
- The longer the hookah session, the more nicotine and toxins one takes in.
- A 45 to 60 minute hookah session exposes the smoker to approximately the same amount of tar and nicotine as one pack of cigarettes. 3
- Sharing mouthpieces without washing them can increase the risk of spreading colds, flu, and infections—even oral herpes.7
- Health risks of smoking hookahs include cancer, heart disease, lung damage, and dental disease.5
- Do not think that if you are just visiting a hookah bar, that you are in the clear. There are still high levels of damaging secondhand smoke to all who are present.
- 1 Hookahcompany.com. (2006). Retrieved December 6, 2006 from http://www.hookahcompany.com/hookah_history.htm
- 2 Mel Hovell, PhD., M.P.H. Smokefree Families & RWJ. (October, 2006). What we know about interventions to reduce children’s exposure to environmental tobacco. Retrieved December 6, 2006 from http://www.helppregnantsmokersquit.org/news/capstone2006/Hovell.ppt.
- 3 Asotra, Kamlesh, Hooked on hookah? Research for a healthier tomorrow. (July 2006). Tobacco-Related Disease Research Program. Retrieved August 30, 2006 from http://www.helppregnantsmokersquit.org/news/capstone2006/Hovell.ppt.
- 4 Knishkowy, Barry; Amitai, Yona. Water-pipe (Narghile) smoking: An emerging health risk behavior. Pediatrics. (July 2005). Retrieved September 1, 2006 from http://pediatrics.aapublication.org/cgi/content/full/116/1/e113
- 5 Mayo Clinic staff. Hookah smoking: Is it safer than smoking cigarettes? (February 7, 2006). Retrieved September 5, 2006 from http://www.mayoclinic.com/health.com.health.hookah.AN01265
- 6 Hookah. Wikipedia. Retrieved August 31, 2006 from http://en.wikipedia.or/wiki/hookah#tobacco
- 7 Levin, Tamar. Collegians smoking hookahs…filled with tobacco. The New York Times. (April 19, 2006). Retrieved September 5, 2006 from http://www.nytimes.com/2006/04/19/education/19hookah.html?ex=1157601600&en=26f787abca1816e2& ei=5070
By www.tabaccofreeU.org
The Bacchus Network-Saving Lives Since 1975
The Bacchus Network-Saving Lives Since 1975
Hookah Or Shisha
Shisha-Smoking: Alarming Trend Among Urban Youths
KUALA LUMPUR, June 14 (Bernama) -- The nocturnal hours at a dimly-lit cafe in the metropolis saw a group of youths sitting close to each other, reclining comfortably on their chairs.
Amidst the laughter and slow-rising smoke rings, the young men and women took turns to inhale from what appeared to be some outlandish objects.
This group of teenagers were actually having one of their regular shisha-smoking sessions.
Shisha, also known as "hookah", is a stand-up device used to smoke flavoured tobacco. For a session of shisha-smoking, the amount usually charged is between RM10 and RM15.
This pastime is fast becoming a culture among the urban youths, particularly the Malays.
One of the oldest traditions in Middle Eastern countries, shisha is believed to make its appearance in Malaysia with the influx of Arab tourists in the 90s.
In the days prior to the use of tobacco, the shisha would usually contain opium or hashish.
NO RESTRICTION
Some may wonder why there is no restriction or ban on shisha-smoking as the government has spent a lot of money on anti-smoking campaigns. And why are the health authorities keeping mum on shisha-smoking although it also uses tobacco?
Based on the latest World Health Organisation's (WHO) statistics, there are 1.3 billon smokers worldwide with five million deaths every year from smoking-related diseases.
The world body has warned that if there is no positive change in the trend, 10 million people would die each year from such diseases by 2020.
WHO's concern is best reflected in its slogan for this year's World No Tobacco Day, warning smokers that "tobacco is deadly in any form or disguise".
Recently, there was a recent report from London about a public ban on smoking in England which is to come into effect in June 2007, dealing a big blow on shisha-smokers.
EASILY INFLUENCED
Malaysian Muslim Consumers' Association (PPIM) secretary-general Datuk Dr Maamor Osman is not at all surprised that shisha-smoking is fast becoming a craze among Malay youths.
"Malay youths are easily influenced by something which they think (they can do) only for fun without checking the background of a culture apart from the risks, especially from the health point of view," he told Bernama, here recently.
Smoking shisha may well be accepted in certain societies like in the Middle East and Africa.
"There are some who think that burning tobacco with fruit or other substances and using water to act as filter would save them from health risks.
"This act is driven by desire and the shisha smokers are merely comforting themselves that nothing detrimental would befall them. In actual fact, they are still at risk," Dr Maamor said.
"Shisha-smoking has many similarities to cigarette-smoking, so this habit too has its own hard-core smokers," he added.
In Malaysia, shisha-smoking is similar to taking marijuana which uses a device called "dapur".
"This allows addicts to conceal their drug-taking behind shisha-smoking, which purportedly uses fruit and other ingredients," said Dr Maamor.
"There's also the question of whether shisha-smoking is suitable with Malaysian culture," he said.
NEGATIVE IMPACT
ERA Consumer Malaysia deputy secretary-general Ismail Abd Aziz is concerned that shisha-smoking would have a negative social impact on youths.
Ismail said he had gone out at night to check on the extent of shisha-smoking among youths around Petaling Jaya and other areas.
"The youngsters, including the girls, were not ashamed at all to smoke shisha in public. They seemed to be very proud smoking in that manner and looked so pleased when others watched them.
"They don't know the risks they are taking which can result in long-term health effects," he said.
Ismail is also concerned that shisha-smoking could be abused by adding cannabis, causing more detrimental effects.
He said this could take place discreetly, among close friends or regular customers at premises that provide shisha-smoking services.
CRIPPLING FACTOR
The shisha-smoking craze, if left unchecked, might cripple the government's determination to free Malaysians of illicit drugs, said Dr Maamor.
He recalled the time when cannabis and marijuana addiction was rampant among the Malays and it was common then for addicts to use the "dapur" to take the drugs.
"All those addicts later graduated to taking designer drugs such as syabu, ice and others.
"Our government has made illicit drugs the country's number one enemy. For that we should not allow the proliferation of another negative culture -- shisha-smoking.
"It may be a new trend in smoking but it's still the same (using tobacco)," he added.
He said the rising number of shisha users was making a mockery of the anti-drug campaigns organised by government agencies like Pemadam and police as well as non-governmental organisations.
"Some people even have the nerve to claim that shisha-smoking would not pose any risk.
"Shisha-smoking goes against the Prime Minister's aspiration to create the towering personality.
"This culture is a waste of time and is also unhygienic as people take turns to smoke a shisha," said Dr Maamor.
USERS AT RISK
The very act of inhaling smoke places shisha users at risk to respiratory diseases like bronchitis, emphysema and lung cancer.
Dr Maamor said: "The assumption that the risk is reduced if we inhale smoke which has passed through water is wrong.
"The risk remains the same as there's still smoke inhaled. It's the same with cigarettes which have filters, the risk is still there".
He is also concerned about risks for passive smokers.
"Children and pregnant mothers exposed to shisha smoke are at risk. Even those who are not sitting around the smokers are at risk as the smoke pollutes the environment," said Dr Maamor.
"From the religious aspect, shisha-smoking also confuses the public with some passing it as 'halal', others say it's 'haram' while a number considers it 'makruh'," he added.
STEPS TO BE TAKEN
Both Dr Maamor and Ismail are calling on the government to control shisha-smoking before it gets out of control.
"Shisha-smoking is like a small flame that can turn into a huge, raging bonfire if there are no checks and restrictions", said Dr Maamor.
"It needs to be curtailed when still in its infancy. Otherwise, it could develop into something that would be difficult and costly to deal with.
"It is our hope that the government would realise the negative impact of shisha-smoking and adopt a clear policy on this," he said.
Ismail is urging the Health Ministry to check on the smoking device and its contents.
"The police also need to monitor the premises that offer shisha-smoking and inspect the contents of the shisha to ensure there is no cannabis being used.
"The need to have a licence for shisha should be imposed, similar to that on the sale of cigarettes. Tobacco for the shisha should be taxed to keep this unhealthy habit under control," Ismail said.
KUALA LUMPUR, June 14 (Bernama) -- The nocturnal hours at a dimly-lit cafe in the metropolis saw a group of youths sitting close to each other, reclining comfortably on their chairs.
Amidst the laughter and slow-rising smoke rings, the young men and women took turns to inhale from what appeared to be some outlandish objects.
This group of teenagers were actually having one of their regular shisha-smoking sessions.
Shisha, also known as "hookah", is a stand-up device used to smoke flavoured tobacco. For a session of shisha-smoking, the amount usually charged is between RM10 and RM15.
This pastime is fast becoming a culture among the urban youths, particularly the Malays.
One of the oldest traditions in Middle Eastern countries, shisha is believed to make its appearance in Malaysia with the influx of Arab tourists in the 90s.
In the days prior to the use of tobacco, the shisha would usually contain opium or hashish.
NO RESTRICTION
Some may wonder why there is no restriction or ban on shisha-smoking as the government has spent a lot of money on anti-smoking campaigns. And why are the health authorities keeping mum on shisha-smoking although it also uses tobacco?
Based on the latest World Health Organisation's (WHO) statistics, there are 1.3 billon smokers worldwide with five million deaths every year from smoking-related diseases.
The world body has warned that if there is no positive change in the trend, 10 million people would die each year from such diseases by 2020.
WHO's concern is best reflected in its slogan for this year's World No Tobacco Day, warning smokers that "tobacco is deadly in any form or disguise".
Recently, there was a recent report from London about a public ban on smoking in England which is to come into effect in June 2007, dealing a big blow on shisha-smokers.
EASILY INFLUENCED
Malaysian Muslim Consumers' Association (PPIM) secretary-general Datuk Dr Maamor Osman is not at all surprised that shisha-smoking is fast becoming a craze among Malay youths.
"Malay youths are easily influenced by something which they think (they can do) only for fun without checking the background of a culture apart from the risks, especially from the health point of view," he told Bernama, here recently.
Smoking shisha may well be accepted in certain societies like in the Middle East and Africa.
"There are some who think that burning tobacco with fruit or other substances and using water to act as filter would save them from health risks.
"This act is driven by desire and the shisha smokers are merely comforting themselves that nothing detrimental would befall them. In actual fact, they are still at risk," Dr Maamor said.
"Shisha-smoking has many similarities to cigarette-smoking, so this habit too has its own hard-core smokers," he added.
In Malaysia, shisha-smoking is similar to taking marijuana which uses a device called "dapur".
"This allows addicts to conceal their drug-taking behind shisha-smoking, which purportedly uses fruit and other ingredients," said Dr Maamor.
"There's also the question of whether shisha-smoking is suitable with Malaysian culture," he said.
NEGATIVE IMPACT
ERA Consumer Malaysia deputy secretary-general Ismail Abd Aziz is concerned that shisha-smoking would have a negative social impact on youths.
Ismail said he had gone out at night to check on the extent of shisha-smoking among youths around Petaling Jaya and other areas.
"The youngsters, including the girls, were not ashamed at all to smoke shisha in public. They seemed to be very proud smoking in that manner and looked so pleased when others watched them.
"They don't know the risks they are taking which can result in long-term health effects," he said.
Ismail is also concerned that shisha-smoking could be abused by adding cannabis, causing more detrimental effects.
He said this could take place discreetly, among close friends or regular customers at premises that provide shisha-smoking services.
CRIPPLING FACTOR
The shisha-smoking craze, if left unchecked, might cripple the government's determination to free Malaysians of illicit drugs, said Dr Maamor.
He recalled the time when cannabis and marijuana addiction was rampant among the Malays and it was common then for addicts to use the "dapur" to take the drugs.
"All those addicts later graduated to taking designer drugs such as syabu, ice and others.
"Our government has made illicit drugs the country's number one enemy. For that we should not allow the proliferation of another negative culture -- shisha-smoking.
"It may be a new trend in smoking but it's still the same (using tobacco)," he added.
He said the rising number of shisha users was making a mockery of the anti-drug campaigns organised by government agencies like Pemadam and police as well as non-governmental organisations.
"Some people even have the nerve to claim that shisha-smoking would not pose any risk.
"Shisha-smoking goes against the Prime Minister's aspiration to create the towering personality.
"This culture is a waste of time and is also unhygienic as people take turns to smoke a shisha," said Dr Maamor.
USERS AT RISK
The very act of inhaling smoke places shisha users at risk to respiratory diseases like bronchitis, emphysema and lung cancer.
Dr Maamor said: "The assumption that the risk is reduced if we inhale smoke which has passed through water is wrong.
"The risk remains the same as there's still smoke inhaled. It's the same with cigarettes which have filters, the risk is still there".
He is also concerned about risks for passive smokers.
"Children and pregnant mothers exposed to shisha smoke are at risk. Even those who are not sitting around the smokers are at risk as the smoke pollutes the environment," said Dr Maamor.
"From the religious aspect, shisha-smoking also confuses the public with some passing it as 'halal', others say it's 'haram' while a number considers it 'makruh'," he added.
STEPS TO BE TAKEN
Both Dr Maamor and Ismail are calling on the government to control shisha-smoking before it gets out of control.
"Shisha-smoking is like a small flame that can turn into a huge, raging bonfire if there are no checks and restrictions", said Dr Maamor.
"It needs to be curtailed when still in its infancy. Otherwise, it could develop into something that would be difficult and costly to deal with.
"It is our hope that the government would realise the negative impact of shisha-smoking and adopt a clear policy on this," he said.
Ismail is urging the Health Ministry to check on the smoking device and its contents.
"The police also need to monitor the premises that offer shisha-smoking and inspect the contents of the shisha to ensure there is no cannabis being used.
"The need to have a licence for shisha should be imposed, similar to that on the sale of cigarettes. Tobacco for the shisha should be taxed to keep this unhealthy habit under control," Ismail said.
June 14, 2006 09:27 AM
By Melati Mohd Ariff
Bernama
By Melati Mohd Ariff
Bernama
Hookah Or Shisha
Middle Eastern smoking habit catching hold among city’s young.
“It is a way of socialising for the middle-easterners,” said Looi, who has also learnt the art of preparing Shisha from her boyfriend Bharam Kashan, 35.
RELEASING a long swirl of smoke into the air, 23-year-old Haslina Ismail stopped to sip some tea before she continued to take another long puff of her lemon-mint Shisha.
Clearly she was relaxed while doing this as she joked with her friends with whom she was sharing her Shisha pipe. A cloud of sweet-smelling smoke hovered above them.
“I smoke Shisha almost daily and normally I share it with my friends. It is like having a dessert after a meal because it is pleasantly flavoured and there are many flavours to choose from,” said Haslina, who was introduced to Shisha smoking two year ago.
Her friend Fairuz Zabidi, 21, claimed that it was not addictive like cigarettes and first started smoking it while in the secondary school.
“I don't know about the legal age to smoke Shisha, but it was rather easy to buy it from the shops as I was rarely questioned about my age when I used to purchase this when I was under 18,” said Fairuz.
For Looi Mei Lin, 27, her Middle-East boyfriend introduced Shisha to her.
“It is a way of socialising for the middle-easterners,” said Looi, who has also learnt the art of preparing Shisha from her boyfriend Bharam Kashan, 35.
Kashan said the charcoals must be properly aired and burned to enjoy a good Shisha.
“Otherwise it could give you a headache,” added Kashan who came to Malaysia 13 years ago.
Feroz Khan, 22, smokes Shisha as an alternative to cigarettes and spends about RM150 on it every month.
“It's my way of chilling out,” he said, adding that grape was his favourite flavour.
Meanwhile, 26-year-old Mohd Asjad Hassan or better known as Max has been selling Shisha since 1999.
He learnt its preparation while working in an Arabic restaurant in Kuala Lumpur before setting up his own stall at various locations over the years including in Sri Hartamas and Bangsar.
Currently, Max's stall is located at Suzy's Corner near Jalan Hulu Klang, Kuala Lumpur. His stall opens from 9pm till 5am.
He said the smoking trend picked up about three to four years ago especially among young people who liked chilling out with their peers.
“People like Shisha because it comes in flavours and is safer than cigarettes. The smoke is filtered through water and the flavour-infused tobacco is also mixed with honey which has many healthy properties.
“Some of my customers who has sinus problems, including my sister, find relief after smoking Shisha,” he said.
He claimed that smoking three to four times a week without inhaling the smoke would do no harm to one's health.
Max added that it was also important to constantly clean the ‘hookah’ especially the smoke pipe for the sake of hygiene.
Playing his part as a responsible citizen, Max only sells Shisha to customers above 18.
Saturday March 24, 2007
By JAYAGANDI JAYARAJ
The Star
By JAYAGANDI JAYARAJ
The Star
Hookah Or Shisha
What is Shisha?
SOME say it originated in Turkey over 500 years ago while others claim it came from Syria and India.
In today’s context, Shisha refers to the flavoured tobacco used in the smoking process using a hookah, also commonly known as ‘hubble bubble’ and ‘narghile’.
The tobacco is soaked in fruits shavings such as apples, grapes and strawberries.
A hookah consists of a base, pipe, bowl and hose or a mouthpiece.
Tobacco is placed in the bowl, which is at the top of the pipe structure.
An aluminium foil covers the bowl and small charcoal pieces are then placed on the foil, which is punctured using a pin to gently heat the tobacco.
When smoked using the hose, smooth, sweet-smelling vapour is filtered through the base containing water.
It also comes in floral flavours such as coconut, vanilla and rose.
Is Shisha harmful?
While many may argue that Shisha smoking is not harmful, medical experts say otherwise.
Kuala Lumpur health department deputy head Dr Sellehudin Abu Bakar said Shisha was tobacco mixed with molasses and fruit flavours and tobacco product in any form contained nicotine.
He said all tobacco products were equally dangerous as it contained more than 3,500 chemicals of which 200 were toxic and 43 were carcinogenic.
“It is difficult to compare which product is more dangerous.
“It depends on several factors such as frequency of use, how deep the inhalation or if other ingredients are added besides tobacco itself,” said Dr Sellehudin.
He added that Shisha smoking was also addictive as it contained nicotine from tobacco smoke.
“Shisha smoking can lead to physical addiction and can also create psychological and habitual dependence to the user.
“The water filter is a gimmick. Most of the toxic chemicals and nicotine are not water-soluble. Hence, they pass through the filter and is inhaled by a smoker, although other irritant substances, which are water-soluble, will get filtered.”
Meanwhile Reuters reported last week that the World Health Organisation (WHO) had announced that a single session of smoking Shisha yields a nicotine intake equivalent to more than one pack of cigarettes.
It is also reported that Shisha smoke retained all the carcinogens of cigarette smoke while adding more carbon monoxide and a separate set of carcinogens from the use of burning coals to keep the nicotine flowing, coupled with the risk of infection with tuberculosis or hepatitis from shared mouthpieces.
Saturday March 24, 2007
By The Star
By The Star
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is Shisha?
In recent years, shisha (nargile, peacepipe, hookah, hubbly bubbly) has made a reemergence outside the traditional shisha smoking countries, especially with those not of Middle Eastern descent. In fact, the Shisha is very much "in vogue" in the UAE. With Ramadhan just around the corner, when Shisha tents are set up at the large hotels and in suburban areas to bring some convivial spirit to the month, we thought it time to give you the lowdown on this tradition that dates back hundreds of years.
What is Shisha?
In recent years, shisha (nargile, peacepipe, hookah, hubbly bubbly) has made a reemergence outside the traditional shisha smoking countries, especially with those not of Middle Eastern descent. In fact, the Shisha is very much "in vogue" in the UAE. With Ramadhan just around the corner, when Shisha tents are set up at the large hotels and in suburban areas to bring some convivial spirit to the month, we thought it time to give you the lowdown on this tradition that dates back hundreds of years.
For those of you not 'au fait' with the shisha, it essentially is a water pipe used for smoking purposes, originating about 500 years ago. The tobacco is heated by coals and the smoke is purified and cooled through the water after which it emerges through the the suction tube, from where it is smoked. Our little friend above and on our home page demonstrates this. The Shisha ranges from the mini (usually bought by tourists who probably won't smoke it again) to the regular metre high contraptions to the two metre monsters which grace some of the cafes. The cost to smoke one in the UAE ranges, in general, from about 35-50 Dirhams (USD10-20) depending on whether you are in a trendy 'to be seen' place or not, though some exclusive joints can charge upward of a thousand Dirhams! Flavours vary from the popular apple (and double apple), mint, strawberry, apricot, rose through to the super cool grape.
If you remember back to your childhood, you may recall Lewis Carroll's most famous work - Alice in Wonderland. Chapter 5 introduces the caterpillar:
"The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time in silence: at last the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth, and addresed her in a languid, sleepy voice. 'Who are YOU?' said the Caterpillar."
Opinions divide whether the shisha smoking caterpillar was representative of the voice of wisdom, or Carroll's representation of a drug enduced trance. Both are probably correct - the Persians designed the shisha (contested by the Indians, Africans, and even the Americans!) for the purpose of smoking any number of drugs - whilst the British, in Victorian times, associated it with a symbol of non-Christian wisdom.
Many would argue that it's certainly not wise to smoke the shisha. Speculators equate an hour of shisha smoking (the rough time it takes to smoke one) to getting through 50 cigarettes. Realistically though, the filtration process through the water removes much of the tar and nicotine and more often than not, the mu'essel used (tobacco with molasses) and sold in many of the shisha cafes do not necessarily contain much tar or nicotine. Either way, it certainly doesn't add years to your life, but neither do the rigours of modern society!
Shisha is all about the social element. It's not what you put in your pipe, but who you smoke it with. Rarely will you see a solo shisha smoker. In Britain, lifestyle revolves around the pub, in the Netherlands, the 'coffee' shop - and in the Middle East, one of the social hangouts are the shisha cafes. Men get together (and an increasing number of women) to share gossip or conduct unofficial business. Elders will usually indulge in a game of Backgammon or Dominos while they puff into the evening and sip on their Turkish Coffee or Mint Tea. And the younger crowd will end up in the cafes after a night out on the town. Indeed, smoking shisha has become a night out in its own right, as demonstrated more and more in the US, youngsters keen to go out will opt to go to a 'shisha bar' for a smoke in those years before alcohol is legal. And in most places where shisha is smoked, alcohol is a religious taboo, and thus this replacement of enjoyment is particularly apt.
From its seemingly dodgey beginnings, Shisha has become the nucleus of social interactions and eventually a symbolic tradition. Do we condone smoking? No, tobacco is bad for you and you know it. However Shisha should definatley be one of those things on your to-do list, whether visiting or staying in the UAE. And if you do try it, go for grape shisha - it's the flavour favoured by those in the know!
SOME TIPS
-If you are going to smoke shisha, try and limit it to occasional use. After all, it's a social tradition.
-Smoke outdoors.
-The longer the pipe, the less carbon monoxide
-Blow occassionally into the pipe to get rid of the smoke building up in the water chamber
-Replace the water if smoking for longer than an hour
-Don't inhale too deeply
-Shisha is not a substitute for cigarettes. Cigarette smokers trying to give up should not shift to Shisha to kick their habit, for risk of inhaling too deeply
-Share your shisha. It gives you a break!
By grapeshisha.com
Friends For Life
In kindergarten your idea of a good friend was the person who let you have the red crayon when all that was left was the ugly black one.
In first grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went to the bathroom with you and held your hand as you walked through the scary halls.
In second grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you stand up to the class bully.
In third grade your idea of a good friend was the person who shared their lunch with you when you forgot yours on the bus.
In fourth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who was willing to switch square dancing partners in gym so you wouldn't have to be stuck do-si-do-ing with Nasty Nicky or Smelly Susan.
In fifth grade your idea of a friend was the person who saved a seat on the back of the bus for you.
In sixth grade your idea of a friend was the person who went up to Nicky or Susan, your new crush, and asked them to dance with you, so that if they said no you wouldn't have to be embarrassed.
In seventh grade your idea of a friend was the person who let you copy the social studies homework from the night before that you had.
In eighth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pack up your stuffed animals and old baseball cards so that your room would be a "high schooler's" room, but didn't laugh at you when you finished and broke out into tears.
In ninth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went to that "cool" party thrown by a senior so you wouldn't wind up being the only freshman there.
In tenth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who changed their schedule so you would have someone to sit with at lunch.
In eleventh grade your idea of a good friend was the person who gave you rides in their new car, convinced your parents that you shouldn't be grounded, consoled you when you broke up with Nick [or Glenn] or Susan, and found you a date to the prom.
In twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pick out a college/university, assured you that you would get into that college/university, helped you deal with your parents who were having a hard time adjusting to the idea of letting you go...
At graduation your idea of a good friend was the person who was crying on the inside but managed the biggest smile one could give as they congratulated you.
The summer after twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you clean up the bottles from that party, helped you sneak out of the house when you just couldn't deal with your parents, assured you that now that you and Nick or you and Susan were back together, you could make it through anything, helped you pack up for university and just silently hugged you as you looked through blurry eyes at 18 years of memories you were leaving behind, and finally on those last days of childhood, went out of their way to give you reassurance that you would make it in college as well as you had these past 18 years, and most importantly sent you off to college knowing you were loved.
Now, your idea of a good friend is still the person who gives you the better of the two choices, holds your hand when you're scared, helps you fight off those who try to take advantage of you, thinks of you at times when you are not there, reminds you of what you have forgotten, helps you put the past behind you but understands when you need to hold on to it a little longer, stays with you so that you have confidence, goes out of their way to make time for you, helps you clear up your mistakes, helps you deal with pressure from others, smiles for you when they are sad, helps you become a better person, and most importantly loves you!
Thank you for being a friend. No matter where we go or who we become, never forget who helped us get there.
Why God Created Friends
And after all had been created and was neatly arranged,He looked down upon the people of the earth and said; "I cannot be there to comfort them in their sorrow,I can't be there to wrap my arms around them.
I am here and yes, they will feel my presence but they'll need something more.He paused for a moment and then said:"I will create for them someone they can see and touch,I will make this person understanding and compassionate, thoughtful and caring.
She won't need to be overly intelligent, just sensitive to others needs.She will have a warm heart and gentle hands and all the time in the world, or so it will seem to those she comforts.Time will mean very little to her it will never be too late nor too early.She will be a very blessed individual and many will love her and come to her door often.
She will have to be something very special to take my place because I love my children very much.I want them to have only the best for they will have many trials and will need a strong shoulder."And so he created this individual after much thought and time.Then he said, "I must give her a name," he paused for a moment more and then said:
"One of my greatest creations, I shall call her a Friend."
Hanging Out With Friends
When it comes to hanging out with friends, one can be sure that it is going to be absolutely amusing and unlimited fun. The talks seem to go on forever and any silly topic can become a point of lengthy discussions. Be it the latest trend in jewelry, the latest gadgets, old classic movies, the cute neighbor next door, work related pressures, there is no end to the list. In this stressful age, getting together with friends has become a luxury than a daily routine. Consider yourself lucky if you get to hang around with friends often.
One of the best places to hang out with friends is of course your own house! The comfort that your room offers cannot be offered by any mall or a pub. You can be yourself, kick up your heels, not worry about your looks and talk loudly about anything in the world. You need not worry about what to eat since junk food is just a phone call away! Order loads of pizzas, cola and French fries without worrying about condescending stares. You can eat as much as you want and however you want! The bottom line is to have fun without any worries.
Another fun place to hang around with friends is the lounge. Comfortable seating and soothing ambiance along with chilled drinks is the perfect setting for spending time with friends. If lounging is not your cup of tea, try hitting the bowling alley. A round of bowling games with friends is the perfect way to chill out. In case you are not into bowling, you can always go for a movie. These days you find coffee bars and small fast food joints near movie theaters where you can spend time after watching a movie. Whatever you do, remember to have loads of fun and enjoy. You may not get the opportunity to do so after some years.
One of the best places to hang out with friends is of course your own house! The comfort that your room offers cannot be offered by any mall or a pub. You can be yourself, kick up your heels, not worry about your looks and talk loudly about anything in the world. You need not worry about what to eat since junk food is just a phone call away! Order loads of pizzas, cola and French fries without worrying about condescending stares. You can eat as much as you want and however you want! The bottom line is to have fun without any worries.
Another fun place to hang around with friends is the lounge. Comfortable seating and soothing ambiance along with chilled drinks is the perfect setting for spending time with friends. If lounging is not your cup of tea, try hitting the bowling alley. A round of bowling games with friends is the perfect way to chill out. In case you are not into bowling, you can always go for a movie. These days you find coffee bars and small fast food joints near movie theaters where you can spend time after watching a movie. Whatever you do, remember to have loads of fun and enjoy. You may not get the opportunity to do so after some years.
Best Way To Secure A Friend
We tried so hard to make things better for our kids that we made them worse. For my grandchildren, I'd like better.
I'd really like for them to know about hand-me down clothes and homemade ice cream and leftover meatloaf sandwiches. I really would.
My cherished grandson, I hope you learn humility by being humiliated, and that you learn honesty by being cheated.
I hope you learn to make your bed and mow the lawn and wash the car. And I really hope nobody gives you a brand new car when you are sixteen. I hope you have a job by then.
It will be good if at least one time you can see a baby calf born and your old dog put to sleep.
I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in.
I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother. And it's all right if you have to draw a line down the middle of the room, but when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he's scared, I hope you let him. When you want to see a Disney movie and your little brother wants to tag along, I hope you'll let him.
I hope you have to walk uphill to school with your friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely. On rainy days when you have to catch a ride I hope your driver doesn't have to drop you two blocks away so you won't be seen riding with someone as uncool as your mom.
If you want a slingshot, I hope your dad teaches you how to make one instead of buying one.
I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books. When you learn to use those newfangled computers, I hope you also learn to add and subtract in your head.
I hope you get razzed by your friends when you have your first crush on a girl, and when you talk back to your mother that you learn what Ivory soap tastes like.
May you skin your knee climbing a mountain, burn your hand on the stove and stick your tongue on a frozen flagpole.
I hope you get sick when someone blows cigar smoke in your face. I don't care if you try beer once, but I hope you don't like it. And if a friend offers you dope or a joint, I hope you realize he is not your friend.
I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your grandpa and go fishing with your uncle. May you feel sorrow at a funeral and the joy of holidays.
I hope your mother punishes you when you throw a baseball through a neighbor's window and that she hugs you and kisses you at Christmas time when you give her a plaster of Paris mold of your hand.
These things I wish for you - tough times and disappointment, hard work and happiness.
Are we friends or are we not? You told me once but I forgot. So tell me now and tell me true. So I can say....... "I'm here for you."
Of all the friends I've ever met, you're the one I won't forget. And if I die before you do, I'll go to heaven and wait for you.
"We secure our friends not by accepting favors but by doing them."
These things I wish for each of you
By Paul Harvey.
"Lord ain't it hard when it ain't"
Friends' Secrets
It is rightly said that one can share any secret with a true friend. He may know your deepest fears and weaknesses and yet will never take advantage of you. However, keeping a friend's secrets to yourself and not telling the world about is what makes the bond grow strong and last forever. You need to develop a trust and mutual understanding before you start sharing secrets with each other. With friends, secret talks never seem to end and it can get really amusing to know what has been going on in your friend's mind.
It is a general notion that only girls share secrets. But boys have their own secrets that they discuss with only closest of pals. The secret talks can range from crushes, relationships, talks regarding fights with parents, secret missions, hideouts and anything that is not supposed to be known to others! If you think secrets are limited to only teenagers, get your facts right! Secrets can be shared at any age and there is absolutely no such hard and fast rule that secrets are shared only among youngsters.
Sharing secrets with a friend is not just fun, but it also helps to develop a lasting trust on one another. Sometimes, sharing secrets will tell you more about the person. You will come to know whether your friend is reliable and trustworthy and whether it is worth sharing your secrets with them. You can call it a test of friendship and if a person passes it, he / she is definitely worth being made a trustworthy friend.
It is a general notion that only girls share secrets. But boys have their own secrets that they discuss with only closest of pals. The secret talks can range from crushes, relationships, talks regarding fights with parents, secret missions, hideouts and anything that is not supposed to be known to others! If you think secrets are limited to only teenagers, get your facts right! Secrets can be shared at any age and there is absolutely no such hard and fast rule that secrets are shared only among youngsters.
Sharing secrets with a friend is not just fun, but it also helps to develop a lasting trust on one another. Sometimes, sharing secrets will tell you more about the person. You will come to know whether your friend is reliable and trustworthy and whether it is worth sharing your secrets with them. You can call it a test of friendship and if a person passes it, he / she is definitely worth being made a trustworthy friend.
Friendship Betrayal
True friends are hard to find and even harder to keep. With increasing corruption and disloyalty, it is hard to find the right person to trust and accept as a friend. With so many people believing in gossip and cheap plots, betrayal of friendship has become very common. People are so self absorbed these days that they don't tend to see whether the friends they have are trustworthy individuals or not. Worse are those people who betray true friends because of materialistic pleasures. Coping up with friends cheating is quite hard, more so if you have no fault of yours. But, life goes on and you make new friends. You push away your hurtful past and learn a valuable lesson from it.
When friends let you down and are not there for you when you need them the most, it is known as betrayal. Sometimes the reason why friends betray you is just not known. When you are at the receiving end, you feel hurt, confused and angry. You demand answers as to why have you been betrayed for absolutely no fault of yours. The talks end abruptly, phone calls are not returned, letters remain unanswered and there is no contact whatsoever. Hate it as much as you want, you will have to come to terms with reality and accept that things were not meant to be.
Though it may seem like the end of the world, there are ways to cope up with it. If the friendship has been ended by you, then there has to be reason concrete enough to justify the action you have taken. There is no point in dragging along a friendship when you know you are not comfortable with it. End it politely and quickly and most importantly, don't regret your action. If you start feeling sorry, you are putting yourself in trouble. There is a reason for every action you take and you must have thought a lot about it before taking a decision. Learn to trust your gut feelings and have confidence in yourself. Make sure you don't end the friendship (however short it may be) with bitter feelings and make it a bitter experience for yourself as well.
However, if you have been at the receiving end and feel that you have been betrayed for no fault of yours, it can be very hurtful. Don't be embarrassed to cry and scream. You have been hurt and you have the right to vent out your frustration. Believe me, you will feel a lot better after you have cried your heart out. Seek out other friends, siblings or your parents and talk to them.
Tell them you have been hurt and ask them for solace. You will be surprised to see that help was just around the corner. All that you needed to do was ask. One thing that should be remembered is that these betrayals are experiences that teach you valuable lessons in life. Don't be afraid to seek help and talk about it to others. Such betrayals should not stop you from trusting people and making new friends.
When friends let you down and are not there for you when you need them the most, it is known as betrayal. Sometimes the reason why friends betray you is just not known. When you are at the receiving end, you feel hurt, confused and angry. You demand answers as to why have you been betrayed for absolutely no fault of yours. The talks end abruptly, phone calls are not returned, letters remain unanswered and there is no contact whatsoever. Hate it as much as you want, you will have to come to terms with reality and accept that things were not meant to be.
Though it may seem like the end of the world, there are ways to cope up with it. If the friendship has been ended by you, then there has to be reason concrete enough to justify the action you have taken. There is no point in dragging along a friendship when you know you are not comfortable with it. End it politely and quickly and most importantly, don't regret your action. If you start feeling sorry, you are putting yourself in trouble. There is a reason for every action you take and you must have thought a lot about it before taking a decision. Learn to trust your gut feelings and have confidence in yourself. Make sure you don't end the friendship (however short it may be) with bitter feelings and make it a bitter experience for yourself as well.
However, if you have been at the receiving end and feel that you have been betrayed for no fault of yours, it can be very hurtful. Don't be embarrassed to cry and scream. You have been hurt and you have the right to vent out your frustration. Believe me, you will feel a lot better after you have cried your heart out. Seek out other friends, siblings or your parents and talk to them.
Tell them you have been hurt and ask them for solace. You will be surprised to see that help was just around the corner. All that you needed to do was ask. One thing that should be remembered is that these betrayals are experiences that teach you valuable lessons in life. Don't be afraid to seek help and talk about it to others. Such betrayals should not stop you from trusting people and making new friends.
True Friendship
Ever wondered what is the real essence of the saying "A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed"? People talk about the true value of friendship without knowing what it stands for. True friendship is when there are no formalities; when the person you are talking about is counted as family; when the relation you share reaches a stage that even if you don't correspond for sometime, your relationship remains intact. Best friends need not meet up often to make sure that the friendship remains constant. The trust between best friends is such that if one friend falls in trouble, the other will not think twice to help.
If the bond between two friends is strong, true friends can endure even long distances. They find a way of being in touch despite busy schedules. True friendship never fades away; in fact it grows better with time. True friends don't need a posh place to hang out. Their most precious hideout is each others' rooms! True friendship thrives on trust, inspiration and comfort. Best friends come to know when the other person is in trouble, merely by listening to their "Hello" over the phone.
True friends don't desert each other when there is trouble. They face it together and support each other even if it hurts the other individual's interest. Best friends don't analyze each other; they don't have to. They accept each other with their positive and negative qualities. Nothing is hidden between true friends; they know each other's strengths and weaknesses. Best friends don't stand any outsider commenting or criticizing their friendship and they can put up a very firm resistance if anyone does so.
True friends are not opportunists. They don't help because they have something to gain out of it. True friendship is selfless. Best friends support even when the whole world opposes you. It is not easy getting true friends and if you have even one true friend, consider yourself blessed. In this world of cynics and back stabbers, there are still some people who are worth being friends with.
If the bond between two friends is strong, true friends can endure even long distances. They find a way of being in touch despite busy schedules. True friendship never fades away; in fact it grows better with time. True friends don't need a posh place to hang out. Their most precious hideout is each others' rooms! True friendship thrives on trust, inspiration and comfort. Best friends come to know when the other person is in trouble, merely by listening to their "Hello" over the phone.
True friends don't desert each other when there is trouble. They face it together and support each other even if it hurts the other individual's interest. Best friends don't analyze each other; they don't have to. They accept each other with their positive and negative qualities. Nothing is hidden between true friends; they know each other's strengths and weaknesses. Best friends don't stand any outsider commenting or criticizing their friendship and they can put up a very firm resistance if anyone does so.
True friends are not opportunists. They don't help because they have something to gain out of it. True friendship is selfless. Best friends support even when the whole world opposes you. It is not easy getting true friends and if you have even one true friend, consider yourself blessed. In this world of cynics and back stabbers, there are still some people who are worth being friends with.
Reflections On Friendship
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Reflections on Friendship by David and Faye Wetherow |
Reflections on Friendship
What steps can we take to invite and support real friendships for our sons and daughters who live with disabilities? We sometimes see other children moving along in a sea of friendship, and we see our children struggling with isolation. The natural ebb and flow of play, enjoyment and affection may seem out of reach, and we worry about the possibility of a life-long pattern of separateness. What can we do?
To begin, I’m not sure that I know anything about ‘making’ friends. The older I get, the more I think that we discover each other. Then if we're lucky, pay attention, stay faithful, and don't mess up, we have a friend for life.
We hope that our children who live with disabilities will receive the blessings of friendship. As we seek that blessing, it may be useful to examine how the ordinary patterns of discovery and friendship work, and see if we can follow those patterns, but perhaps in a way that is more focused and intentional.
How did our most important friendships come into being? Where were we when we discovered each other? Among the dozens, hundreds, even thousands of people we've met in our lifetimes, how is it that some of us are still friends ‘after all these years’?
Being There
At the simplest level, we were ‘there’ in the same place at the same time. If I'm not there – if I've been sent away for ‘special’ [you fill in the blanks] – friendship doesn’t have much of a chance.
Now I was ‘there’ at a Janis Joplin concert at the Fillmore Auditorium in San Francisco in 1967 with about a thousand other people. We were close-packed. It was, after all, the Summer of Love. We were young, feeling groovy, and we loved the same music. But nobody from that concert is in my life today. In fact, nobody from that concert was in my life the next morning. We can spend a lifetime going from one ‘activity’ to another and still be alone the next day (and for the rest of our lives), or we can try another tack.
If we think about it, we see that one basic condition for the development of friendship (love-at-first-sight being a wonderful possible exception) is that we keep going back to the same place over time.
But just going back may not be enough. Twenty years after that night at the Fillmore, I was attending a large church in Winnipeg. The church was packed for four services every Sunday. But one could go back for a month (or a year) of Sundays and still not find friendship, because the ordinary pattern of the service didn't really lend itself to making connections. You had to make connections around the ‘edges’ of the service.
The edges are always there: times when we’re arriving and departing, waiting for the first notes to sound from the organ, coffee after the service. But if you are shy or don’t know how to ‘make time’ in those brief moments, you still might miss the boat.
In 1993, a fellow named Fred conducted a little survey inside this big congregation. Fred made an interesting discovery: there were seventy-six small associations within the church, each focused on something different. Coffee might be just a brief moment for the people who made their way downstairs after the service, but the people who made the coffee were pretty solidly connected to each other. They were a bit ‘political’, so we drank ‘fair trade’ coffee.
As the coffee-makers gathered every Sunday, they talked. They got to know each other well. They appreciated each others’ contributions, gifts and interests: Mary makes wonderful lemon cookies. Frank just found a new connection for ‘fair trade’ tea. Mark and Jess discovered that they both love sailing.
While we were making coffee (or doing any of the things that focused the other seventy-five small associations), we had a chance to discover each other. We shared time, space, conversation, and most importantly, we shared a common interest. This is even more powerful when the interest is passionate. When we share a passionate interest, we begin to feel that we share an identity.
In our community, the people who were working to save the Englishman River Estuary came from all walks of life. They represented a wide range of ages, incomes and backgrounds, but they all shared a passion for this beautiful place. As they worked together on something they felt passionate about, many of them discovered new friendships across those 'natural' boundaries.
Passionate interests don't have to be big deals, but it helps if they're about more than 'consuming' something. Making music brings people closer together than listening to music. Listening to music (especially if we keep going back and the place is small enough) brings people closer than merely buying (or these days, downloading) music.
So what does this have to do with our children?
Understanding where and how adult friendships flourish tells us that there are some things we can do to make friendship more likely for a child with disabilities:
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Children need to be present with other children. |
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Children need to be in a place that allows time for them to connect. |
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It helps to have a ‘bridge-builder’ on the scene. The school playground allows time for children to connect, but in the absence of conscious bridge-building, an isolated child can remain isolated for a very long time. |
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Introductions help. We have the power to introduce children in ways that define them as ‘alike’ or as ‘other’. Shared interests and gifts make children alike. Defining children by their disabilities makes them ‘other’, so it helps to focus on shared interests and gifts and let disability fade into the background. |
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One of the important ways in which children might be alike is that they share a passionate interest. It also helps when we have the time to identify, mobilize and celebrate gifts and contributions. ‘Community exposure’ isn’t enough. |
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Even when a child is present, there are places that are more or less conducive to connection. Places that are primarily based on consumption or competition are not particularly fruitful. |
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Competition can quickly define us as ‘other’, so it makes sense to look for places where cooperation is the hallmark. |
Robert Fulghum, [Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten], suggested a civilized reengineering of the game of [Musical Chairs]. In this version, the object is not to exclude people, but to find ways to include them, even when there are no chairs left. People do remarkable and often quite pleasant things to find room on their laps for one another. He has seen groups find seats for everyone even when there are no chairs left — they support one another in the air, like a suspension bridge. He once watched the entire student body of a college make room for one another in their human latticework.
Following Natural Opportunities for Connection
If we think back and remember where we met our best friends, we see that many of those friendships emerged in the context of doing something interesting together over time. We went to school together. We worked in the same company. We were members of the Naturalists’ Society. We sang together in a summer stock production of Annie Get Your Gun.
We may begin with one shared interest and discover others. The last time we were in Tennessee I said to Jake, who is becoming a good friend, “You know that if we lived in the same town, we'd be getting into trouble together.” What I mean is that I'd be connecting with more of the elements of Jake’s life (he's a BMW motorcycle rider), and he with mine (I'm a sometimes-sailor).
Repeating the connection makes a difference. When Peter moved out to BC, I introduced him to my old friend, John. As I look back, I remember that I kept creating occasions for the three of us to get together, and we've done so for years. Peter and John are good friends now, and their friendship has a life that is independent of me.
The depth and quality of the introduction makes a big difference. We don't just introduce our friend to another person, we share our enjoyment; we give a good account; we announce the ways in which we think they might connect.
‘Numbers’ have something to do with this: Most of us have met thousands of people in our lives, but only a handful of them have become good friends. We need to create many opportunities for connection.
The Promise
Once we discover each other, we still need to pay attention, deepen the invitation, and be good to each other. Friendship is a gift, but once we open the gift, we need to be ‘on purpose’ if friendship is to endure.
The highest form of friendship is something that might be called a ‘covenant relationship’ (my friend Don talks about the fact that good friends make ‘unreasonable commitments’ to each other). When we marry, when a child is born or when we adopt a child, we make a promise. And we see that there is often an unspoken promise at the heart of a deep friendship. Wendell Berry reminds us in Standing by Words:
As the traditional marriage ceremony insists, not everything we stay to find out will make us happy. The faith, rather, is that by staying, and only by staying we will learn something of the truth, that the truth is good to know, and that it is always both different and larger than we thought. We must accept the duration and effort, even the struggle, of formal commitment. We must come prepared to stay.
As we make the journey with our children and our friends who live with disabilities, we seek that promise, and we hope to find it extending beyond the boundaries of the family.
The Circle of Friends
Almost two decades ago our friend Judith Snow described what seemed to be a new form of a promised relationship – the Circle of Friends. Judith tells us that hers was not the first circle. She says that people have been building circles for thousands of years. But Judith’s ‘Joshua Committee’ – the group of committed friends who helped her get out of a nursing home and begin a new life, and who have been with her for twenty years – may have been one of the first where overcoming the challenges associated with disability played such an important role.
Judith says, “I think that what I have isn't a disability. If I ‘have’ anything, it is an invitation.” She says that what we call a disability is a powerful invitation to be more intimate, more cooperative, more inventive, and to make new kinds of promises.
Judith's Circle (you can find books about this at http://www.inclusion.com/) has become a model for the development of circles all over the world. There are others: Mennonite Central Committee’s pattern for Supportive Care in the Congregation, the Personal Support Networks described in Al Etmanski’s book, A Good Life, and the Canadian First Nations tradition of caregiving societies. Each of these examples reminds us about a couple of important things:
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First, there are times when we need to be more consciously ‘on purpose’ about expressing the invitation – times when the quick-acting ‘rules of attraction’ or the recognition of shared identity is slowed down by the presence of a disability. |
Amber can't talk, and when she's excited about something her body moves in a way that is easy to interpret as distress. So we need to be ‘on purpose’ about introducing her and inviting people to experience who she is ‘underneath’ her disability – interpreting her expressions and movements, and revealing her interests and gifts.
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Second, it may take more-than-one-of-us to make and keep the promise, especially when we're challenged by time and space and other responsibilities. One of the beautiful things about Judith's Circle is that it includes a natural way of renewing itself. When Doris and Alan moved out of town, the people who remained in the circle were in a position to invite new partners. |
The Pattern of Friendship
We know that friendship goes far beyond simple attraction and ‘hanging out’. It’s far more complex. A couple of years ago, Faye began speaking about something she calls ‘the Family Pattern’. Originally we intended this to describe what a family (ideally) offers to each of its members and especially to its children. But the Family Pattern could also be a picture of what good friends can offer each other, and what circles of friends might offer to our sons and daughters who live with disabilities.
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We sense (or promise) that our relationship will endure, that we'll be there through thick and thin, mistakes and misunderstandings, even times when we're unattractive, disagreeable, or out of sorts. |
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We recognize, mobilize and celebrate each others' gifts. We look for places where our friend's gifts might blossom and we build bridges to those places. |
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We see the essential beauty in each other, and we celebrate that. |
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We carry dreams for each other and encourage each others' dreams. |
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We share our time, our worldly goods, and our 'standing' in the community. We share the things that delight us (I lose a lot of books that way). |
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We connect each other with trusted (trustworthy) people. |
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We're watchful – we look out for each other's well being and best interests. |
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Sometimes we offer direction. Our First Nations friends in British Columbia have four different words for the idea of 'encouragement', and one of those words means pointing out when someone is on a path that might be harmful. |
Ordinary Ways and Tender Work
In Bob Perske’s words, ‘I have the will to believe’ that all of the qualities, experiences, and blessings of friendship can be available to our children and our friends with disabilities. But because we are working to overcome the distance associated with disability and the fact that the ordinary ‘rules of attraction’ may not be immediately in play, we know that we will have to be ‘on purpose’ about this. The good news is that all of the ‘ways’ are the known ways of friendship, family and community. They’re not disability-specific or special, but they are more intentional.
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Because the ordinary balance of time and energy may be stretched by the presence of disability, we may have to think in terms of inviting and supporting an intentional ‘circle’ of companionship. But the ways of doing this are familiar – literally ‘of the family’. |
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Because mutuality might be harder to see at the outset (it’s likely to start out as a mystery), we will need to be more conscious and self-reflective. Once again, the ways of doing this are nothing ‘special’ (see Key Circle Questions). |
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Because it is tender work, we need to move in a way that allows people to feel safe, loved, loving and very gently engaged. Friendship is a discovery, not a requirement, and it helps to remember the value of small beginnings. At the outset, we’re not asking for a lifetime commitment: “Murray, you know that Amber is interested in peace-making. Could you come for coffee and help us think about how she might get connected with the Monday night group?” |
The good news is that to find friendship, we don’t need a ‘program’. All of this is within the reach of families and friends. As Wendell Berry reminds us in Home Economics:
We hear again the voices out of our cultural tradition telling us that to have community people don't need a 'community center' or 'recreational facilities' or any of the rest of the paraphernalia of 'community improvement' that is always for sale. Instead, they need to love each other, trust each other, and help each other. That is hard. All of us know that no community is going to do these things easily or perfectly, and yet we know there is more hope in that difficulty and imperfection than in all the neat instructions for getting big and getting rich that have come out of the universities and agribusiness corporations in the past fifty years.
© 2003 David and Faye Wetherow ! CommunityWorks
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